It's been 1 year.

Today is 1 year since Papa Joe passed away. This time last year I was 4 months pregnant with Baby Bee. This time last year, Sweet Cheeks had just turned one. On this day last year, I gathered in a room full of family members and said good-bye to the greatest man I have ever known.

One year ago I hugged my best friend good-bye for the last time.

To be honest, I am still struggling with this. The part that I find the hardest is that after today I can't say that he was here "This time last year". I don't know why I have clung to that so much over the last year, but I have. It's somehow made it easier. Until today. Because after today I cannot say that anymore. After today, the "last years" become harder to face.

August 10, 2010 was the day of the funeral. That was the last day I saw him and touched him.

Today is a hard day. I've clung so hard to the "last years" memories and I don't know how to let go. This time last year was the hardest day of my life. This time last year was the day my heart broke in half. This time last year I cried myself to sleep every night. This time last year I was prescribed sleeping pills because insomnia isn't healthy when you're pregnant. This time last year, Rowen was still wearing the shoes Papa Joe bought for his 1st birthday. This time last year I was working with the Red Cross to get my brother home on emergency leave. He was planning to go to Iraq with his fellow Army comrades any day. This time last year I prayed for a miracle that would never come.

This time last year, Papa Joe was set free from all of the pain.

This time last year.

Don't stop by unannounced.

I hope that my child, looking back on today
Will remember a mother who had time to play;
Because children grow up while you're not looking,
There are years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet now cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

Don't stop by our house unannounced during the day. If you do, keep the above poem in mind. The living room where we play usually looks like a tornado just touched down. We are busy playing Lego's and hide and go seek. We are busy being outside in the sunshine. We spend our mornings cuddled on the couch watching cartoons. Some days we spend the entire day in pajamas building mega block towers.

My floors are not swept. My showers haven't seen a good scrub in too long. Sometimes there are dishes in the sink. Sometimes there's dust on our bookshelves.

We like to take long walks in the afternoon. We like to draw on the sidewalk with chalk. We like to look out the window at the "Mow-Mows" {cats} We love to wrestle and have tickle fights.

So, sorry dust and cobwebs. You'll just have to wait. I'm making it a priority to REALLY enjoy my babies. Babies don't keep.



This is us.... Then. (part 1)

Sweet Cheeks,

There are little things about our life now that I would like you to know about when you are older. This is one of those letters that I am writing now in hopes that when you are 18 or 20 you will sit down with a hot cup of coffee and read.  This is a little note explaining to you what our life is like now. In 2010. In 17 years this will seem like the stone age to you.

Right now we have 3 cats and 2 dogs.

Jasmine - Our mini kitty. She's 4lbs and full grown. She's solid white with ice blue eyes. She's your favorite one to chase around. (Probably because she doesn't run and hide or hiss when she sees you coming) She lets you pull her tail and bite her stomach.

Lilly - Our Russian blue kitty. She actually looked blue when she was a kitten but now she's more of a soft gray. She was rescued one fall day out of a tree. Her owner had tried to drown her in a pond but she got away. Her will to live was stronger than his will to drown her. She's a survivor. She hates new people and is VERY protective of those she loves. (Which is pretty much just the 3 of us) Lils stays far away from you when you are moving around.

Sasha - Our solid black kitty with white paws. Sasha is a lover. He loves to wrestle with you and he loves to sit next to you as you play. Sasha is friendly with you so you are not as interested in chasing or abusing him. He's your buddy.

Lina & Sophie - Our puggle dogs. (Half beagle, Half pug) They were both rescue dogs. I don't know their history. I do know that they love to lick you to pieces. They love to come right up to you and smother you in slobber. You adore them. You giggle as they lick you and you try your best to get to them as often as possible.

I stay at home with you during the day. You spend the day with me or Granny and Papa Joe. They both adore you and LOVE having you come and visit.

Daddy works as a nurse 3 days a week. He's going back to school this September to advance in his career.

We have just started trying to Eat Clean. By the time you read this Clean Eating with either be something very normal that a lot of people do, or it will be a dumb fad diet from the past. I hope it's the former.

We are about to go on our first beach vacation with you! In 3 weeks we leave for Myrtle Beach in S Carolina. I know that you are going to love it. You are, in every sense of the words, my water baby.

Your favorite time of the day is bath time. You love to splash, drink the water, crawl, dunk your head, and try to stand.

This is your room:

I know you have some pink things in there, and I know it's not decorated yet... I'm working on it.. (I thought you were a GIRL!)

This is your favorite blanket:

This is the living room, where we spend most of our time...

... to be continued...