Friday, August 5, 2011

It's been 1 year.

Today is 1 year since Papa Joe passed away. This time last year I was 4 months pregnant with Baby Bee. This time last year, Sweet Cheeks had just turned one. On this day last year, I gathered in a room full of family members and said good-bye to the greatest man I have ever known.

One year ago I hugged my best friend good-bye for the last time.

To be honest, I am still struggling with this. The part that I find the hardest is that after today I can't say that he was here "This time last year". I don't know why I have clung to that so much over the last year, but I have. It's somehow made it easier. Until today. Because after today I cannot say that anymore. After today, the "last years" become harder to face.

August 10, 2010 was the day of the funeral. That was the last day I saw him and touched him.

Today is a hard day. I've clung so hard to the "last years" memories and I don't know how to let go. This time last year was the hardest day of my life. This time last year was the day my heart broke in half. This time last year I cried myself to sleep every night. This time last year I was prescribed sleeping pills because insomnia isn't healthy when you're pregnant. This time last year, Rowen was still wearing the shoes Papa Joe bought for his 1st birthday. This time last year I was working with the Red Cross to get my brother home on emergency leave. He was planning to go to Iraq with his fellow Army comrades any day. This time last year I prayed for a miracle that would never come.

This time last year, Papa Joe was set free from all of the pain.

This time last year.

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