A letter to Heaven.

A letter to Papa Joe.

Sometimes I think everything is going to be OK. Sometimes I doubt that things will ever be normal again. Can you read blogs in Heaven? Do you know how many times I've tried to talk to you, before I remember you are not there to answer? I'm selfish and I feel like I still need you... I haven't learned all of your recipes yet.. I still have hugs for you.. I don't know how to check the oil in the Van for you. I need more time with you. More time to learn everything that you know. More time to buy you Christmas gifts, and to sit on the porch and talk about life. I need just one more phone call from you that starts off with "Baby girl, how are you?". I just want to sit on your lap and kiss your cheek and tell you how much I love you. I don't know how I am going to do everything without you. I don't know how I'm going to hold back from calling you when we find out the sex of Baby Bee, or when Sweet Cheeks is potty trained, or when we finally decide to go refrigerator shopping. I've always liked your opinions the best.  I don't know how my heart is going to continue to beat with this crack in it. What am I supposed to do on Sunday mornings now? That was our time... Me, you, and Sweet Cheeks. How do I fill that time? I can't replace you.

I just don't know how to keep going without you...